How Black-Draught Cured Granny's Lonesomeness

Spring makes me think about Granny. Back in April 2017, about a week before she passed away, we had an unusually warm, sunny day. She decided that she wanted to go out in the sunshine for a while so I went out and sat on the porch with her. "Granny, tell me a story." She pondered a minute or so, gave a little chuckle, and then the tale began...

"When I started school, I'd become awful lonesome for my Mama. I'd get to school, get to missing her, and then get to crying. I decided that I'd tell my teacher that I had a bellyache."

Now you have to remember that this was the early 1940s. A teacher or school secretary couldn't just pick up the phone and have her Mama come and pick her up. One, Granny and Pa Wilson didn't have a phone, and two, if they had a car or truck it would've been being used by her Daddy to get him to work.

"My teacher went and found my older brother Keith and told him I was sick and that he would have to walk me home. So me and Keith set off for the five mile walk home, he told Mama I had a bellyache, and then he turned around and walked the five miles back. Mama loved on me and all was right with the world.

The next day, I got to school and was missing Mama...again. I thought I'd be slick and use the bellyache excuse...again. My teacher went and found Keith and told him to take me home...again. Keith was fit to be tied because he knew I was fibbing. He marched me the whole five miles home, begrudgingly told Mama that the teacher sent me home with a bellyache, and turned around and walked the five miles back. Now Mama was no fool. She knew from the day before that I was perfectly fine. She had to do something to nip this problem in the bud. She went to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the Black-Draught. Whew, I never came home from school early because of missing Mama again!"

For those of you who don't know, Black-Draught is a liquid laxative sold since the late 18th century. Much like castor oil, it was a commonly used folk remedy for many ailments.

We had ourselves a good laugh over that one! Granny would probably whoop me if she knew I was telling this story but I also know that she would chuckle after she had done it. I'm thankful that, despite all she was going through, she NEVER lost her sense of humor or her ability to tell a good story. I hope that whenever I leave this world people will be able to say the same for me.

My Mountain Memories: Popcorn & Hee Haw

When I was little, my brother and I would spend the night with my Granny and Pa Holloway. We loved getting to stay over and always had a good time. Granny would usually cook one of our favorite suppers for us to enjoy...grannies are good like that. After a long day of quilt fort building and games, we'd settle in for the evening for my favorite thing: eating a big pot of popcorn and watching Hee Haw. 

I wasn't born until 1979, so I only got to enjoy the reruns. I remember my Granny telling me that her Daddy liked to watch it too. Grandpa Wilson (Granny's Daddy) died when I was 2 so I don't really have any memories of him but always loved that I got to enjoy something that I knew he liked too. My Pa liked the show more than my Granny and I always hoped that there would be something funny enough on the show to make him laugh until he lost his breath and slap his knee. He had one of those laughs that would get you tickled too. 

My favorite memories from Hee Haw are the "Pfft, You Were Gone" song, Archie Campbell telling the story of Rindercella, and Grandpa Jones' supper report. My son enjoys the show too and still asks, "Hey, Grandpa, what's for supper?" Here's a clip I found of Hee Haw's Rindercella over on YouTube if you've never seen it or would like to watch and laugh again. Roy Clark, Minnie Pearl, & Buck Owens will always evoke happy childhood memories for me.

My Pa was the official popcorn popper at my grandparent's house. He would take my Granny's big yellow pot (that she still has and I hope to have some day), pour in a little oil, heat it up, and pour in the popcorn. After he put the lid on, we'd all wait to hear that first little pop. He'd shake the pot around on the stove eye to keep the popcorn from burning and take it off the heat once the popping slowed down. What a treat! Even when we finally got a microwave, this was and is my favorite way to make popcorn. 

A couple of nights ago, my little family was watching a movie and I got a craving for popcorn but wanted something salty AND sweet. I decided to whip up a batch of Salted Caramel Popcorn. It's really not a hard recipe to make but will take a little time.

Salted Caramel Popcorn

• 1/2 c. popcorn kernels
• coconut oil or preferred oil for popping
• 3/4 c. butter (1 1/2 sticks)
• 1 cup light brown sugar
• 1/3 c. light corn syrup
• sea salt

Preheat oven to 300*. Add coconut oil to a large pot until there's enough to cover the bottom of your pot. Heat for a few minutes and add popcorn kernels. Place lid on pot and listen for the first kernels to begin popping. Slightly shake the pot back and forth over the stove eye until popping slows down and then remove from heat. I like to look through my popcorn and remove all unpopped seeds once it cools for a few minutes. In a saucepan melt butter, brown sugar, corn syrup and about 1 tsp of sea salt over medium heat. Bring to a boil and boil for 4 minutes without stirring. While your caramel mixture boils, line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or foil. After the 4 minutes, remove from heat, pour, and mix the caramel over the popped corn. Once mixed, pour the covered popcorn onto your lined baking sheet and sprinkle lightly with sea salt. Place sheet in the oven and bake for 30 minutes, stirring the mixture every 10 minutes. Pour mixture onto parchment paper spread out on your counter until cooled. Enjoy!

 

Warning: Highly addictive! 

Please let me know if you get a chance to make this delicious sweet and salty snack! I'd also love to hear about any of your favorite memories of Hee Haw or spending the night with your grandparents. You can leave me a message down below in the comments section. And remember, if you ever lall in fove with a prandsome hince, be sure and slop your dripper! 

This post was originally published here on Appalachian Mountain Roots on 01/04/17.

Words You May Never Have Uttered

Today's guest post is by Brandi Creasman Watkins, aka Bonnie Sherrill. Brandi was born and raised in the mountains of western NC. After being away for nearly a decade, she returned to her hometown and spent the next decade working in victim services and social work. She retired so that she could focus on her family, Thirty-One Gifts Business and her writing. She started blogging, writing & even published her first book, Mountain Notes to Grant-Writing in 2016. She is now working on the 2nd book in this series, Mountain Notes to Parenting, while she homeschools both of her youngest children. You can find more of Brandi's writings at her blog, A Country Girl Surviving.

Words You May Never Have Uttered

You may need a passport to enter another country, but you just need an open mind and some gas to reach the South. However, you may experience the same culture shock that you would endure in the Congo or African Sahara – we have similar language barriers and mating habits. You will certainly encounter those that think you should just turn around and head back where you came from. But…just maybe, if you are in the right frame of mind, you will find us just as fascinating as the Amish, the Cherokee, New Yorkers or the Mormons.

The single defining characteristic of any foreign culture is language and for real, the Southern language should count for a language in college prep. For example:

Befuddled. Definition: confused with a hint of ignorance to the reasoning that X topic is even being discussed. Like…why do you have to discuss ear wax when you could instead discuss the ramifications of Billy Bob thinking that he could fix the leak in his house with anything other than duct tape? This word MUST accompany the gesture of scratching your head at least one time during the conversation.

Flabbergasted. Definition: shocked with a hint of anger. You may hear this when a redneck stubs his toe and blames the wife for placing the incriminating obstacle in his path. Apparently, the wife thinks that if something is static for 50 years, her husband should learn to walk around it. Whatever!

Spirits. In the south, we refer to all alcoholic beverages as ‘spirits’ because it lifts our spirits to partake. Very simple. However, southerners don’t get the whole wine connoisseur mess….we make our own wine from the fruit that God gave us…right here in our backyards. The idea that ‘wine tastings’ happen, definitely befuddle us.

Tattoos. We all run into people and ask them about their tattoos and some get very upset if we insinuate that they had a personal experience with image that they later marked themselves with because they just get tattoos. BUT, in the South, our tattoos mean something. Period. Most may say MOM, some may say F-Obama, but they all mean something to us that will still mean it tomorrow (unless we were drunk.)

Mountains. Some may believe that this is a geographical distinction or even a place where they “vacation.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. ‘Mountains’ is a way of life. It’s a religion. It’s a people.

Helldamn. Although Webster does not recognize this as a compound word, it is the only compound word that can succinctly describe something that went wrong. This something could have been intentional, stupid or just plain fate.

Waterlogged. Definition: a state of being after too many hours in the water. In the olden days, logs were transported via the rivers and they stayed in these rivers for quite some time before they reached their destination. See, our words make sense to us!

Church. Definition: The single reason to defuse any argument under the sun. This word is synonymous with the Good Book, the people attending or the very argument that you can’t win. Church is the end all, be-all in the South. You don’t wear jeans to church….ever….under any circumstances. TV Shows do not have any place in a Southern Church – no divorce, no Modern Family, no Law & Order, no Teletubbies. Criminal Minds and other murder shows would be acceptable.

Caddywompus. Definition: describes when something is askew or off-centered. For example, I have this retarded tree in my yard that has limbs that are caddywompus and drives me to the brink of a misdemeanor. I would include a picture, but I don’t want to ensue riots, because we don’t have the parking space.

Oh Fresh Hell. Definition: A new ‘alternative’ way of thinking, acting or being. A southern woman might exclaim this after seeing her teenager come downstairs in all black attire and make-up or maybe hearing her son exclaim about the newest way to talk to his girlfriend. ‘Oh Fresh Hell’ may be timeless, but the shit it explains is not – just grab a homemade wine, get flabbergasted, drag them to church in the mountains and scream a Helldamn to those that are caddywompus.

This post is brought to you by the my personal friends on Facebook! I hope you enjoyed and please let me know if you have some Southern Terms that weren’t included!

I hope you enjoyed this guest post as much as I did! Brandi and I grew up in the same small town in western NC. I tried to think back to when I first met her but if you were from Andrews, NC everybody just always knew each other. She is still just as funny as ever! She reached out to me during my last hospital stay and decided that we need to team up to share some of our posts with us both being "small town Appalachian bloggers". I look forward to working with her again and sharing more of her hilarious posts in the future

This is a pic from the area where Brandi & I grew up. Pretty, huh? 

This was taken by my friend and fellow Andrews girl, Tammy West McCoy. 

An Outsider's Guide To Appalachian Directions

No Fool
This city fellow was driving down through the mountains when he got lost. He saw a farmer standing near the road behind his pasture fence. He stopped his car and asked, "How far to Knoxville?" "Don't know." "Well, how far is it to Chattanooga?" "Don't know." "You don't know much, do you?" "Well, I ain't lost." This angered the city man, and he said, "There isn't much between you and a fool, is there?" "No, sir, just a fence," the farmer said. 
-Jim Ralston, Paint Lick, KY Curing the Cross-Eyed Mule

Before I even begin to explain how directions are given in my area of Appalachia, let me say that these may apply to other parts of the country (specifically the south) and may not apply to other parts of Appalachia (specifically the north). I'm going to explain how it is done in MY neck of the woods, western North Carolina. 

There are countless back country roads throughout the many rural areas that make up Appalachia. Many of the roads aren't even marked which can render your GPS completely useless. Think you can do a Google search to find out where you are and to help you get where you're wanting to go? Don't count on it. Cell phone service isn't always available in these areas. So what's a person to do??? Something that most men have avoided since the beginning of time. ASK FOR DIRECTIONS. 

Once you find a road side produce stand or gas station, don't expect a quick exchange. We don't get in a hurry for much and giving directions isn't going to be the exception. We also tend to be pretty friendly and don't pass up an opportunity to get to know someone. The conversation will probably go something like this:
"Well, how are y'all a doing? That's good. Where are y'all from? Miami? Gracious, y'all are a good ways from home, ain't ya? Oh sure, I can help you get to where you're aiming to go. You have people in these parts or are y'all just out loafering?"

After a little small talk, you'll soon find out that people around here don't bother giving road names or numbers. We prefer something a little more colorful...like landmarks. So instead of simply telling you to turn left on Main Street and go 15 miles until you reach Walnut Lane, you'll hear: "Alright, you're going to go back out the way you came in but this time you're going to take a left at that pretty little Missionary Baptist Church. You know, my momma and daddy were married at that church back in '67. It's the truth! They'll be celebrating their 50th anniversary in June. Folks just don't stay together like the used to, do they? Now when you get to the fork in the road where that chicken truck turned over, you're going to want to go right. It'll seem like you're just going straight but you're really going right."

I should also let you know that we use certain directional phrases to explain how far you need to go. 

• Down the road a piece. Translation: About a mile or two.  
• Just a hop, skip, and jump. Translation: About 15-30 minutes.
• A little ways. Translation: Usually less than 5 miles. 
• Just up the road. Translation: Less than a mile.
• Over yonder. Translation: Sorry, this could mean anywhere from 5 feet away to the next county over. 

Now that you can somewhat translate our directional phrases, be prepared for a little more friendly conversation. It may take a little while but we will almost always get you where you're wanting to go. The best advice I can give an "outsider" would be to simply slow down and don't be rude or try to rush whomever is taking the time to help you. People from these parts will not be disrespected or rushed. You've been warned. 

I hope you'll find these tips helpful if you ever decide to visit the beautiful area that I call home. You won't regret it! 

Childhood Memories: Popcorn and Hee Haw *Recipe for Salted Caramel Popcorn included.*

When I was little, my brother and I would spend the night with my Granny and Pa Holloway. We loved getting to stay over and always had a good time. Granny would usually cook one of our favorite suppers for us to enjoy...grannies are good like that. After a long day of quilt fort building and games, we'd settle in for the evening for my favorite thing: eating a big pot of popcorn and watching Hee Haw. 

I wasn't born until 1979, so I only got to enjoy the reruns. I remember my Granny telling me that her Daddy liked to watch it too. Grandpa Wilson (Granny's Daddy) died when I was 2 so I don't really have any memories of him but always loved that I got to enjoy something that I knew he liked too. My Pa liked the show more than my Granny and I always hoped that there would be something funny enough on the show to make him laugh until he lost his breath and slap his knee. He had one of those laughs that would get you tickled too. 

My favorite memories from Hee Haw are the "Pfft, You Were Gone" song, Archie Campbell telling the story of Rindercella, and Grandpa Jones' supper report. My son enjoys the show too and still asks, "Hey, Grandpa, what's for supper?" Here's a clip I found of Hee Haw's Rindercella over on YouTube if you've never seen it or would like to watch and laugh again. Roy Clark, Minnie Pearl, & Buck Owens will always evoke happy childhood memories for me.

My Pa was the official popcorn popper at my grandparent's house. He would take my Granny's big yellow pot (that she still has and I hope to have some day), pour in a little oil, heat it up, and pour in the popcorn. After he put the lid on, we'd all wait to hear that first little pop. He'd shake the pot around on the stove eye to keep the popcorn from burning and take it off the heat once the popping slowed down. What a treat! Even when we finally got a microwave, this was and is my favorite way to make popcorn. 

A couple of nights ago, my little family was watching a movie and I got a craving for popcorn but wanted something salty AND sweet. I decided to whip up a batch of Salted Caramel Popcorn. It's really not a hard recipe to make but will take a little time.

Salted Caramel Popcorn

• 1/2 c. popcorn kernels
• coconut oil or preferred oil for popping
• 3/4 c. butter (1 1/2 sticks)
• 1 cup light brown sugar
• 1/3 c. light corn syrup
• sea salt

Preheat oven to 300*. Add coconut oil to a large pot until there's enough to cover the bottom of your pot. Heat for a few minutes and add popcorn kernels. Place lid on pot and listen for the first kernels to begin popping. Slightly shake the pot back and forth over the stove eye until popping slows down and then remove from heat. I like to look through my popcorn and remove all unpopped seeds once it cools for a few minutes. In a saucepan melt butter, brown sugar, corn syrup and about 1 tsp of sea salt over medium heat. Bring to a boil and boil for 4 minutes without stirring. While your caramel mixture boils, line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or foil. After the 4 minutes, remove from heat, pour, and mix the caramel over the popped corn. Once mixed, pour the covered popcorn onto your lined baking sheet and sprinkle lightly with sea salt. Place sheet in the oven and bake for 30 minutes, stirring the mixture every 10 minutes. Pour mixture onto parchment paper spread out on your counter until cooled. Enjoy!

 

Warning: Highly addictive! 

Please let me know if you get a chance to make this delicious sweet and salty snack! I'd also love to hear about any of your favorite memories of Hee Haw or spending the night with your grandparents. You can leave me a message down below in the comments section. And remember, if you ever lall in fove with a prandsome hince, be sure and slop your dripper!